Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
