Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
