The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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