he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Randomize
