Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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