I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
