dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
