Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Randomize
