Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
