I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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