meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
