the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
