was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
