I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
