I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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