I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
