Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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