i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
