I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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