I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
