Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
