New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
