when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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