is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
