she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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