Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
this boner is exhausting
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
