It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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