I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
