so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
