would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Randomize
