So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
