Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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