my mouth tastes like poor choices
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
