Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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