i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
