Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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