So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
