I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
