My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
