I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
