The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
