id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
