In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
did you just send me my own nude
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
