Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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