i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
