If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
