Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
a search helicopter?!
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
