I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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