I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
