K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
That's when you crack a 10am beer
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
