Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
