Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
