I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
