Old men and throwing up are my life now.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
