my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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