I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
