Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
